Blessings Through Tears

Gifts often come in unusual packages

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (WEB)

In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus toward you.

Amplified version: In every situation [no matter what the circumstances] be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus.

I was listening to Z88.3 on internet radio this morning (like I do every day, all day) and I heard the lyrics of Laura Story’s song “Blessing Come Through Raindrops” resonate in my spirit. Some of the words are:

“What if your blessings come through raindrops? What if your blessings come through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re here? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?”  

I must admit that 30 days after experiencing this stroke, the recovery process is hard work. I’m on a schedule for nearly everything: an ECP treatment schedule, (3x/wk); a medication schedule; a shower schedule; a supplement schedule; an exercise schedule (3x/d). And I’m eating differently. Completely gluten and dairy free, all organic, more water, minimal coffee, no alcohol. My bedtime is also on a schedule. I do my best to be in bed between 10 and 10:30p but that doesn’t mean I’m sleepy and can instantly fall asleep. (Historically, I’ve gone to bed around 2am for many years. My quality of sleep has not been good on this schedule; Teegan’s schedule is off too!)

I pray every day for clarity: Why did this happen? What am I to learn? What does my personal “go forward” life plan look like? Afterall, it was the 100-hour work weeks, minimal sleep, hectic travel schedule, haphazard supplement plan and irregular diet that  probably what got me here. When this is behind me, I really don’t want to go through this again.

When you have a significant life/health event, you are forced to look your mortality squarely in the face. I’m 65 years old; how many ‘good’ years do I have left? How many years do any of us have? What do I want to fill my time with? What does the Lord have yet for me to do?

So, what am I doing during this season? In between all the activities, I’m doing some things I’ve always wished I had free time to do: I’m reading through the entire Bible (I’m up to 1 Kings). I’m completing some of the many books I’ve only started. I’m reorganizing my massive paper and electronic filing systems.  I’m clearing out some simple closets and cupboards. I’m sleeping a lot more. I’m sitting on my patio every day listening to music and enjoying the waning days of fall.

Who am I learning to be? I’m reading a wonderfully enlightening book called “The Cure” by John Lynch. I strongly encourage everyone who hasn’t read it, to do so. If you read it years ago (it was published in 2011) pull it out and read it again. It is not about removing a physical disease. As one of the endorsements says, “if you have struggled with unresolved life issues, The Cure is the book you’ve been looking for.”

We all know that our salvation comes through grace, not by works. (Ephesians 2:8-9) But how many of us get stumbled up by what we do, marking the checklist of good intentions? What if we get wrapped up in our list of tasks we count as service? Doing the list to ‘please God’? Is our identity defined by what we DO, instead of living from the place of who we ARE in Christ? The Cure clearly describes picking the road of pleasing God vs. the road of trusting God.  I’ve had many conversations with my dear, close friend, Brad Cummings, the publisher of The Founder’s Bible, about our ability to trust in God. Trust is the outcome of a relationship with Him, not something that you can just “do.”

As The Cure relates, “all of us wake up to the pain of realizing we can’t control our lives the way we thought we could.” We adopt formulas, strategies, and make endless lists, promising to change our life, but ultimately, we remain the same.

So, I’m taking this time to develop a clearer relationship with God. To learn how He sees me. To wait on the Lord’s clear directive for what He has in store for the remainder of my days. As Laura Story’s song says, this revelation is coming with endless prayers, lots of tears, and many restless days (thankfully not sleepless nights.) Finding a better, closer relationship with God is like cleaning out the basement or the garage. Things have to go. Box contents need to be sorted. Memories need to be purged.

This is what the stroke has given me so far: time.

Please don’t wait until a health issue puts you on your back before carving out the time to do what should be done every day for your life and spirit. We all get 24 hours each day. None of us will go to our grave wishing we had worked longer hours and spent more days on the job. We all want to go to our grave with the best relationship with Jesus we can have. As with any relationship, we have to carve out the time to develop it. Make your time count.

Today’s Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father, we are tired. We are really weary, trudging on this road of Life. Please help us. Lighten the load. Dry our tears with Your love. Lift the burdens, help us learn the lessons of our struggles. Give us the grace to see us the same way You see us: with total love because of who we are in You, not because of anything we have done or we can do. In Jesus’ name, Amen.